Dude is that a dress?
by Too many names
Summary: What will happen when Hannah moves to Bannerman road, Clyde joins with an evil foe, Luke argues about the awesomeness of the ending to Inception. This story contains aspects based on a true story from Lanzarote.


Disclaimer – I do not own any of the characters in this story except Hannah, who I don't technically own . . .

Hannah didn't like having to move to London. From what she'd heard it was noisy and overcrowded. She sat in the backseat of the car and watched as it pulled up in front of a large red bricked house. Soon she and her family were lifting things from the car into the house. Number 8 Bannerman road. Hannah was sure nothing interesting could possibly happen here.

It had been a week since they had moved in and Hannah was staring her first day of school. Yay (note the sarcasm). Her parents had insisted on most of the classes she took so she sat down in registration dreading her next period physics class.

"Hi I'm Luke" said the boy sitting next to her. An extremely hot boy, though not that it mattered.

"Hannah" she said smiling at him and shaking his hand "I'm new here"

"Oh cool, what do you have next?" he said

"Physics" she groaned

"You don't like physics?" he said sounding shocked

"I really suck at it" Hannah replied "It's just so damn confusing!"

"I've got physics next to" Luke said "I can help you if you get stuck"

"That would be great" said Hannah "I don't suppose you could show me the way to class?"

"Sure" Luke replied as the bell rang. As Hannah walked to physics with Luke her day suddenly seemed to be not quite so bad.

It turned out Luke was in all her classes except business management. He had been helping her all day with catching up and copying notes and she sat next to him in most of the classes. So it felt a bit daunting to go to class without her new (and only) friend at the school. She was given a seat next to a weird looking boy who smiled scarily at her as she took a seat

"Hi I'm Clyde!" he said smiling so hard she thought he looked kinda like a happy elf

"Nice to meet you em . . . Clive?" she said and turned her head to the board

"So where do you live?" he asked

"Em near the school" Hannah replied, this guy sounded kinda stalkerish.

"OMG me too!" he squealed clapping his hands together

For the rest of the period she tried to ignore Clive or Clid or whatever and soon the bell rang for the end of the day. Walking home she spotted Luke. He waved to Hannah and began walking over to her.

"Hi Hannah" he said "Which way are you walking?"

"Oh I live in Bannerman road" she said "It's not too far from here"

"Really? I live at number 13" Luke said smiling

"Number 8" said Hannah returning the smile

Soon they reached Hannah's house

"Well I better go, I'll see you tomorrow" she said

"Do you want to meet up and walk to school together?" Luke asked "I mean em only if you want to"

"Sure" she said "See you tomorrow"

Hannah went up to her room and sat down on her bed. She began her homework which was hard but manageable until 10 o'clock. She was brushing her teeth when she heard a noise. Her parents were out and the door had defiantly been locked

"Hello?" she called, the sound of movement was getting closer

"Anyone there?" the sound was really close

"Rrrraaaarrrrrrr!" a bit green alien with large claws screamed and jumped out at her

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Hannah shouted and grabbed the first thing she could reach, a can of deodorant, and sprayed it at the thing. It fell back and she ran past it running into the kitchen and shutting the door. Quickly she began searching for a weapon. I don't want to die I don't want to die she thought. The thing or alien or whatever pounded against the door. Hannah kept looking for something anything to help her. Her hand closed around something solid. The door sprang open and the thing burst in. Hannah didn't hesitate and wacked it over the head with the hockey stick she had found. It crumpled to the floor. Hannah breathed a sigh of relief, until she heard more movement from the hall way. She raised the hockey stick in defence when Luke, that Clyde guy, a teenage girl who might have been in her maths class and a woman in about her forties burst through the door. Hannah lowered the hockey stick

"Are you okay!" said Luke

"Oh fine except for the fact a firkin ALIEN JUST ATTACKED ME!" she said

"Well done you actually knocked it unconscious" said the woman bending down towards it "Rani pass the vinegar"

"Stand back" and then the woman threw the vinegar on the alien. It exploded in a shower of green slime covering everyone.

"Gross!" said Clyde trying to rub of the slime from his clothes "This shirt is like designer!"

"I'll explain everything" said Luke to Hannah

"We'll cleanup the room" said the woman

Hannah and Luke went up to the bathroom still covered in alien goo and began scraping it off with towels.

"Okay what the hell just happened?" said Hannah once she had got rid of most of the slime.

"It was an Alien, a slithean" said Luke "It was trying to attack me Clyde, Rani and my mum Sarah Jane. But it got the wrong house"

"So you're saying aliens are real?" said Hannah

"Yes, but they aren't all bad" he said

"Next thing you're going to tell me you're an alien" joked Hannah. Luke looked down at the floor "YOU'RE AN ALIEN?"

"Well no, I mean kind of" he sighed "I was made by aliens but I'm still human just a bit . . . different"

"Okay" said Hannah "So do you guys like fight aliens?"

"Yep, though some are okay" he said "Look I better go me and mum will need to recalibrate Mr Smith's solar anomaly detection facilitator, but I'll see you tomorrow"

"Cool" said Hannah "It won't come back though will it?"

"The alien, no, vinegar kills Slithean"

Hannah breathed a sigh of relief "Well see you tomorrow then"

When Luke and the others had left Hannah went and had a shower. Her hair still felt kinda sticky, though with all the shampoo she had used there couldn't be a trace of slime left.

The next day she met up with Luke and they walked to school together.

"So are vampires real?" she asked

"Possibly" said Luke

"Werewolves?"

"Yep"

"Fairys"

"I doubt it. Most of the creatures we face are often Slithean, Sontarans, Judoon and The Trickster" Luke shuddered at the last one

"So this Trickster guy is bad?"

"Horrible, imagine voldemort then imagine he has an evil cousin twice as ugly with no eyes and pointed teeth" said Luke. It was Hannah's turn to shudder

"Well on more normal matters" said Hannah "Do we have a physics test today?"

At lunch Hannah went to sit with Luke. They were chatting away about the Italian essay they were doing together when Clyde took a seat next to Hannah.

"Hey babe" he said

"Uh hi" said Hannah

"So there's this new film out and I thought we could go see it together" said Clyde

"Em sorry Clyde I have to . . . revise my Italian essay with Luke" she said

Clyde glared at her "You'll be sorry about the day you rejected Clyde Brian-Ambrose-Bob Langer!" he shouted

"Your middle name is Brian-Ambrose-Bob?" said Luke

"I won't forget this!" said Clyde and he ran away laughing evilly, the sort of evil laughter that can only be achieved through practice.

"I wasn't lying I really do need to revise the Italian essay" said Hannah

"You could come over to mine, I'm sure Mr smith could help" said Luke

"Your alien computer?" said Hannah

"Yeah, he helps us track aliens" said Luke "Although at one point he tried to kill everyone on earth"

"Oh" was all Hannah could think of to say to that.

Luke's attic was filled with weird alien stuff and newspaper reports. Hannah tried not to knock anything over.

"Mr Smith I need you" said Luke to the wall. Suddenly in a burst of smoke and noise the wall split open and revealed a huge computer with masses of dials and buttons attached to it

"How can I help you Luke" it said in an English accent

"This is my friend Hannah I wanted you to meet her" said Luke

"Hello Hannah" Mr Smith said "How can I help you" suddenly there was a beeping on the monitor

"My scans tell me there is an alien about 50 miles away" said Mr Smith

And that was how Hannah ended up waiting in Sarah Jane's car while Luke, Sarah Jane and Rani (though Clyde wasn't there) chase after a Rhino headed alien that wore a skirt and carried a dangerous looking gun. She was kinda wishing she was helping Luke and the others but also kinda wishing she was at home reading a book when a laser hit the side of the car. Hannah pushed open the door and started running. The laser hit the path next to her as she ran into the building Luke and the others had been chasing the Judoon. It looked like the Judoon was now chasing them. She turned the corner and bumped into Luke

"I thought you were staying in the . . . RUN!" he shouted as a laser beam hit the floor. Grabbing Hannah's hand Luke ran down the corridor pulling Hannah behind him. They ran into a room and slammed the door shut

"We'll be safe here" said Luke

"But you didn't lock the door" said Hannah

"There was a sign on the door saying Do Not Enter, Judoon are like policemen and they won't go anywhere where they aren't allowed" he said

"If they're policemen then why are they chasing us?"

"They think Sarah Jane has a stolen something of theirs. She hasn't by the way but it's somewhere in this building, we just need to find it" said Luke

"Well then lets go, there's a door at the back of the room" said Hannah

Hannah and Luke crept out into the corridor then up a flight of stairs.

"Remind me what we're looking for" whispered Hannah as she and Luke began searching a room

"It could be anything but all we know is it bears the symbol of a star with two swords crossing it"

"Oh brilliant!" said Hannah searching through a box "So it could be absolutely anything and be absolutely anywhere!"

"Pretty much" said Luke

"Wait! That door we passed on the way up the stairs, didn't that have a symbol on it" said Hannah. She shrieked as a laser beam hit the wall behind her. Luke and Hannah ran out the room and bumped into Sarah Jane and Rani.

"We found it!" said Luke "Well Hannah found it"

"It's down the stairs" said Hannah, she could hear the Judoon close behind them. They reached the door which just like Hannah thought had the symbol on it. Luke opened the door

Inside it was huge, way bigger than should have been possible with high-tech looking machinery at one end.

"It's just like the TARDIS!" said Luke

"The what?" said Hannah

"I'll explain later" said Luke

The Judoon had reached them and Hannah had to stifle a giggle at the fact it was wearing a skirt

"We didn't steal anything from you" said Sarah Jane "But we have found what you were looking for and are happy to return it to you"

The Judoon nodded and stepped inside the room

"Thank you" It grumbled and closed the door of the room

When Hannah, Luke Sarah Jane and Rani had got back to the car they saw a bright flash of blue light from the building.

"It must have been a trans-dimensional warp decoder" said Luke

"How the hell do you know these things?" said Hannah

The next day Hannah was sitting in Biology with Luke. They were working on cells and Luke already knew like everything so he was helping her.

"Em Hannah I was em . . . I was wondering if you . . ." Luke was cut off by a loud

"OMG it's you Luke! I have missed you like so much!"

"Maria? I thought you were in America" said Luke

"No we moved back yesterday and I just couldn't wait to see you again" said Maria taking a seat on the other side of Luke "And you are?"

"I'm Hannah" said Hannah extending a hand which Maria ignored

"So Luke you have to tell me everything that's happened while I was away"

After school Maria insisted on walking home with Luke and Hannah. She talked the whole way home and every time Luke tried to talk to Hannah Maria cut him off by asking a question.

In the morning Luke met her outside her house like usual.

"So is Maria walking with us today" said Hannah trying not to sound bitter

"I hope not" said Luke "She's been phoning me all night! We were kinda friends before she left but it's like she's stalking me or something!"

"Luke!" said a voice from down the road "Why didn't you say you were walking to school alone! I would have offered to walk with you" said Maria pointing a mean glance in Hannah's direction

"Maria Hannah's walking to school with me I'm not walking alone" said Luke sounding confused

"So Luke how about tonight, you me and a movie" said Maria "We could go on a date"

"I em . . . I can't because I'm already going on a date with my girlfriend Hannah" said Luke

Maria scowled "Are you rejecting me!" she shrieked

"No I'm just stating that . . ."

"I will kill you!" Maria screamed and ran off

"Girlfriend?" said Hannah raising an eyebrow

"I had to think of something to get rid of her" said Luke "Though we could still go see a movie tonight, I mean just as friends of course"

"Sure" said Hannah "I'll meet you at the cinema at seven"

The cinema was pretty packed as Luke and Hannah took their seats. Luke had suggested they go see a film called Inception and Hannah had agreed

"You see this is a dream with in a dream within a dream" Luke explained to Hannah "Which isn't actually possible though with the right technology . . ."

"Shut up!" shouted someone from behind them

"Tingle be quiet!" said another voice

"I just want to watch the movie Cheryl!"

"So what's happening now?" asked Hannah

"Well this is a dream within a dream within a dream within a dream and that guy is trying to . . ."

"I can't take it anymore!" the girl shouted from behind them and stormed out the cinema

The other girl, Cheryl, looked down at Hannah and Luke and shrugged "What's it all about eh?" she said and followed her friend out the Cinema

"Worst ending ever!" said Hannah

"What do you mean it was an amazing ending!" said Luke "It left you wondering if it was a dream or not a dream or a dream within a dream!"

"The ending sucked!" said Hannah and began describing the various ways in which the ending sucked.

Hannah and Luke eventually reached Hannah's house.

"That was fun" said Luke "We should do that again sometime"

"Sure but next time we need to pick a better film"

Luke smiled at her and for a moment she thought he was going to kiss her when . . .

"Hello Luke" called a creepy voice. Hannah turned and faced what must have been The Trickster

"Trickster" said Luke sounding scared

"You never mentioned he didn't have a nose" said Hannah

"Shut up" the Trickster shouted stamping his foot

"What do you want!" said Luke

"I'm following a request" said The Trickster

"Dude how do you see?" said Hannah

"Shut up puny human" The Trickster shouted "Anyways I've been sent to kill you"

"Who sent you?" said Luke

"I did" said Clyde stepping out from behind The Trickster

"And so did I" said Maria

"Run" said Luke, Hannah ran.

They bolted into Hannah's house and locked the door behind them

"Do you have a plan?" shouted Hannah

"Well The Trickster works by making deals and to make a deal a human has to reply with words. Now words are made up of sound waves or sound energy. So if you could create a big enough electrical pulse it would imbalance the deals they made with The Trickster and The Trickster would be sent back to limbo"

"Cool, but em how do we do that?" said Hannah not quite sure what Luke had just said

"Do you have a fuse box?" asked Luke "And a laptop"

"Yeah, the fuse box is upstairs in a cupboard and I have a laptop in my room"

They ran upstairs and Luke began fiddling with wires. Hannah could hear banging from downstairs. She grabbed up her hockey stick as a weapon

"Are you sure this will work?"

"I think it will" said Luke

"That doesn't make me feel much better" said Hannah

Hannah heard footsteps coming up the stairs. She raised her hockey stick

"Rrarrrrrrr!" shouted The Trickster and lunged at her. Hannah smacked him over the head with the stick. Clyde lunged at her and she kicked him where it hurt.

"Drop the stick!" shouted Maria pointing a gun at Hannah. Hannah dropped the stick. The Trickster began to pull himself up off the floor and stood next to Maria

"We could have been such a great couple Luke!" Maria said "But then she got in the way and now she has to die!"

"Maria I think you're under the Trickster's influence" said Luke

Luke was still connecting wires and Hannah knew she had to distract Maria and The Trickster long enough to let him finish. Clyde however was just lying on the floor groaning.

"So Mr Trickster can you smell stuff?" she said "Cause you don't like have a nose"

"I do have a nose you just can't see it!" he shouted turning to Hannah

"Well what about ears? Can you lip read or . . ."

"There is nothing wrong with my hearing!" he shrieked "Or for that matter my eye sight!"

"Okay but seriously dude a dress"

"It is a robe not a dress!" he shouted

"Done!" said Luke pressing a button. There was a flash of light and a loud "Nooooooooooooooooooo!" and The Trickster, Clyde and Maria disappeared.

"What happened to Clyde and Maria?" asked Hannah

"They were probably dragged back into limbo with The Trickster" said Luke "But if they turn good they can eacape"

After school the next day Hannah and Luke were walking home together

"Hannah I em . . . I was wondering if you wanted to go on a date with me?" said Luke

"Sure" said Hannah smiling. Luke grinned and bent down to kiss her and this time nothing got in the way.

Epilogue

Hannah leaned against her husband Luke on the sofa while their 5 kids sat playing around the room.

"I love you" said Luke

"I love you too" said Hannah


End file.
